Social media is such an interesting “bird” because something I didn’t expect was for real friendships and connections to become contingent upon specific activity that occurs within that realm.

I remember listening to a Frank Ocean album, and there was a really cool interlude where the man says his girlfriend approached him and asked, “Why aren’t you following me on Facebook?” He replied, “Why do I need to follow you on Facebook when you are right in front of my face daily?” She broke up with him because he would not follow her on FB and that caused her to feel like he was trying to hide something from her, so she deemed him untrustworthy.

This was so funny to me, but more and more this is becoming a reality for many people. I happened to listen to an interview where a woman was upset with someone because she chose to follow the person on Instagram, but the person didn’t return the follow. The interviewee stated that to him, she shouldn’t have a problem with the lack of reciprocity in that way, and that being upset is a sign of neediness if she was only following someone to get a follow in return.

I had an experience recently with someone where they honestly were upset that i wasn’t following them, even though they stated certain limitations they had with me within the context of our friendship and relationship.

One of the biggest questions I have is, WHY THE HELL DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER?

Anyone that means remotely anything to me has my phone number and my email address. With those two pieces of information, they can reach me virtually anywhere I am in the world.

I started unpacking the reasons behind these disconnects that people are having, and I came to a certain level of understanding about it. It is my belief and experience that some people want attention, not a connection. Having my attention helps to create and continue the narrative of being desirable, which we all desire on some level. There is something really alluring about being able to quantify who is “tracking you,” and monitoring our activity because in many cases, it causes us to feel better about ourselves because people are concerned about our daily activities.

So I had to ask myself honestly, does it matter who follows me or not?

My concern for social media is to radiate positivity by sharing my mission, and my life’s journey to people I may never physically encounter. Those that resonate the most with my mission, I am so incredibly thankful for. However, I refuse to build my self worth around that.

It’s a really unfortunate place that I feel we are coming to in society where we are concerned about how we are connecting through a portal, instead of directly.

Social media informs me about those that intrigue me from afar, but it is truly my own self discovery and desire to inquire about the lives of those I care about and making time to genuinely connect with them that is most important.

I will always challenge myself as well to not become needy in a way that makes me focus on where the personal work needs to begin within.

The center of all of this is the rise of insecurity through self absorption, and I feel this causes me to keep my personal love tank full. When it’s full from self love and acceptance, my level of importance starts first with me. I must decrease so that something much stronger and important can rise, and that will allow me to remain my most authentic self, so instead of Need-I-Ness, I Need-I-Less.

Moment of Truth.

I was speaking to a dear friend a couple of years ago and she said to me, “U, do you like women?” I said, “Of course; I am crazy about women,” to which she replied, “Yeah I know you love women, but I mean the true character and complexities of women; do you like them beyond the pleasure physically, mentally and spiritually we can provide to you?”

Of course I said to her, “F&CK U,” and hung up the phone.

I was humiliated and all in my feelings, and I felt attacked. So, I went into my shell, paused, and took her comments into serious consideration, came out of my shell and called back. “Can we talk more about this?” I asked.

“Absolutely,” she said.

We spoke about how I obviously have an affinity for women to the point where I had literally exhausted myself. But, she was tapping into something deeper that I feel is happening in society now.

In a society, women are oftentimes viewed in terms of their physical appearance rather than their mind and personality, especially when a young boy hits puberty. What I found was that I was seeing the woman's body, mind, and her, but not in the way that focused on who she was. I saw the possibility of my pleasures being satisfied through her. Going deep, I had to ask myself if the women in my life didn’t have the potential of “giving me something,” would I be fine encountering them?

After my conversation with my friend Alicia, my interactions with female friends became more balanced because I stopped showing up in capture mode. I understand that my actions could be misconstrued as predatory and my friends feel as though they had to be on guard with me, which would be so uncomfortable for them.

I heard a guy say something earlier today. He said, “Put yourself in the woman’s shoes. How would you feel if someone is coming to you with what they want just blaring and completely in focus, all the time?”

That resonated with me because, as a musician, in my career I meet people who are always asking me for something or who want me to connect them to someone. It’s even more difficult if I am in a restaurant or Jazz Club hanging out, and someone comes up to me to say hello, then immediately begins to try to get something from me to advance their career. Then, I thought about people who do the opposite. When I run into them, we have an amazing conversation and a great exchange of ideas. Those are the experiences I truly revel in.

Now getting back to my friend, I can honestly admit that I’m not just attracted to women; I like them. I have really learned to see the beauty women and the purpose and need to experience fruitful relationships with the women in my life. Going beyond the benefit of pleasure and truly seeing into the humanity of women and their insight, influence, and love, is necessary in my life.

Today, I can admit, that I genuinely like, love, and admire women and those who engage in mutually enjoyable interaction with me, that may not always be a good feeling, but is always a growth feeling for one, if not both of us.

Women, I celebrate all of you.