Moment of Truth.
I was speaking to a dear friend a couple of years ago and she said to me, “U, do you like women?” I said, “Of course; I am crazy about women,” to which she replied, “Yeah I know you love women, but I mean the true character and complexities of women; do you like them beyond the pleasure physically, mentally and spiritually we can provide to you?”
Of course I said to her, “F&CK U,” and hung up the phone.
I was humiliated and all in my feelings, and I felt attacked. So, I went into my shell, paused, and took her comments into serious consideration, came out of my shell and called back. “Can we talk more about this?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” she said.
We spoke about how I obviously have an affinity for women to the point where I had literally exhausted myself. But, she was tapping into something deeper that I feel is happening in society now.
In a society, women are oftentimes viewed in terms of their physical appearance rather than their mind and personality, especially when a young boy hits puberty. What I found was that I was seeing the woman's body, mind, and her, but not in the way that focused on who she was. I saw the possibility of my pleasures being satisfied through her. Going deep, I had to ask myself if the women in my life didn’t have the potential of “giving me something,” would I be fine encountering them?
After my conversation with my friend Alicia, my interactions with female friends became more balanced because I stopped showing up in capture mode. I understand that my actions could be misconstrued as predatory and my friends feel as though they had to be on guard with me, which would be so uncomfortable for them.
I heard a guy say something earlier today. He said, “Put yourself in the woman’s shoes. How would you feel if someone is coming to you with what they want just blaring and completely in focus, all the time?”
That resonated with me because, as a musician, in my career I meet people who are always asking me for something or who want me to connect them to someone. It’s even more difficult if I am in a restaurant or Jazz Club hanging out, and someone comes up to me to say hello, then immediately begins to try to get something from me to advance their career. Then, I thought about people who do the opposite. When I run into them, we have an amazing conversation and a great exchange of ideas. Those are the experiences I truly revel in.
Now getting back to my friend, I can honestly admit that I’m not just attracted to women; I like them. I have really learned to see the beauty women and the purpose and need to experience fruitful relationships with the women in my life. Going beyond the benefit of pleasure and truly seeing into the humanity of women and their insight, influence, and love, is necessary in my life.
Today, I can admit, that I genuinely like, love, and admire women and those who engage in mutually enjoyable interaction with me, that may not always be a good feeling, but is always a growth feeling for one, if not both of us.
Women, I celebrate all of you.