Social media is such an interesting “bird” because something I didn’t expect was for real friendships and connections to become contingent upon specific activity that occurs within that realm.
I remember listening to a Frank Ocean album, and there was a really cool interlude where the man says his girlfriend approached him and asked, “Why aren’t you following me on Facebook?” He replied, “Why do I need to follow you on Facebook when you are right in front of my face daily?” She broke up with him because he would not follow her on FB and that caused her to feel like he was trying to hide something from her, so she deemed him untrustworthy.
This was so funny to me, but more and more this is becoming a reality for many people. I happened to listen to an interview where a woman was upset with someone because she chose to follow the person on Instagram, but the person didn’t return the follow. The interviewee stated that to him, she shouldn’t have a problem with the lack of reciprocity in that way, and that being upset is a sign of neediness if she was only following someone to get a follow in return.
I had an experience recently with someone where they honestly were upset that i wasn’t following them, even though they stated certain limitations they had with me within the context of our friendship and relationship.
One of the biggest questions I have is, WHY THE HELL DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER?
Anyone that means remotely anything to me has my phone number and my email address. With those two pieces of information, they can reach me virtually anywhere I am in the world.
I started unpacking the reasons behind these disconnects that people are having, and I came to a certain level of understanding about it. It is my belief and experience that some people want attention, not a connection. Having my attention helps to create and continue the narrative of being desirable, which we all desire on some level. There is something really alluring about being able to quantify who is “tracking you,” and monitoring our activity because in many cases, it causes us to feel better about ourselves because people are concerned about our daily activities.
So I had to ask myself honestly, does it matter who follows me or not?
My concern for social media is to radiate positivity by sharing my mission, and my life’s journey to people I may never physically encounter. Those that resonate the most with my mission, I am so incredibly thankful for. However, I refuse to build my self worth around that.
It’s a really unfortunate place that I feel we are coming to in society where we are concerned about how we are connecting through a portal, instead of directly.
Social media informs me about those that intrigue me from afar, but it is truly my own self discovery and desire to inquire about the lives of those I care about and making time to genuinely connect with them that is most important.
I will always challenge myself as well to not become needy in a way that makes me focus on where the personal work needs to begin within.
The center of all of this is the rise of insecurity through self absorption, and I feel this causes me to keep my personal love tank full. When it’s full from self love and acceptance, my level of importance starts first with me. I must decrease so that something much stronger and important can rise, and that will allow me to remain my most authentic self, so instead of Need-I-Ness, I Need-I-Less.