The Blues of Overthinking

Confession, I over-think the shit out of everything. I am a Sagittarius, so that kind of comes with the territory. 

But hear me out, I am talking about overthinking texts messages (re-reading them constantly and trying to see the subliminal subtexts and undertones), looking at emails, sent and received and just making sure that I was clear. 

It’s hilarious, overthinking what I will wear, which is why I prefer to just wear a hoodie, T-shirt, jeans and sneakers. I might throw on the blazer so people don’t think I am completely ratchet, Ha!

But I mean this over-thinking can work in my favor sometimes, because it makes me really think things through and be prepared for most everything that occurs, until some shit goes down that I didn’t think of. Or I actually thought of it, but I didn’t think I had the possibility of it happening. lol! 

So how do I handle my overthinking without making people think I am crazy? Umm, haven’t mastered that yet, because I am human and the reality is, I just want to manage it better. 

The other day I was having a glass of wine with a friend, and she and I were mentally sparring. We were on a roll, until I said something that was a product of my overthinking. She stopped and said, “I don’t know where you got that U. I have never implied that thought ever, and that’s some overthinking happening over there in your head.”

I was called out!

So I had to think, that I overthink a lot. 

Sidebar.

So everything, I mean everyone used to tell me, “U, you need to learn how to spend time by yourself and get comfortable with you.” They felt I was exuding behavior of neediness, which also means, after they gotten what they need from my interactions, they wanted me to vanish, in love, but still vanish. 

What that did for me is to make me face the fears of being alone: face them so good that I literally started to prefer to be alone more than with other folks, to the point where people are now like, “you need to let people in, and not be so much of an introvert/loner. You won't accomplish everything alone.”

Don’t you love how people change like the wind? Ha!

What made me grow comfortable with being alone, was that I started being self critical so I could do the work on becoming a better person, and present in the moment. 

Then of course to really fully re-live the moment, I invite the overthinking part of me back to the table to question everything that happened. Jk!

Shout out to the fellow over-thinkers out there; may we give our brains an occasional rest from time to time.

Respect

“Men don’t need love; they need respect.”- Dr. Myles Munroe

One of the interesting things to me that I have begun to discover in the single life is no matter who I choose to date, or interact with, there are some non-tangibles that work within the friendship or within a realm of something more romantically. If those intangibles aren’t acknowledged, I find it can be hard to sustain. 

Most of my blog ideas come from things I hear or read. One of my friends sent me a video about marriage and the speaker said, “Men don’t need love; they need respect.” Also that, “The love women give a man stems from her respect towards him.”

This was incredibly insightful to me because it keeps speaking to the reality that I notice men and women need different things in life emotionaly. Even for my friends that experience diversity in their sexual orientation and romantic interests, or even how they identify in terms of gender, the fact still remains that men want respect. 

Let me unpack simple moments when I feel I am not respected. 

 

I. When I am not heard. 

One of the gifts I try to really refine constantly is to be a good listener, listening to what is said and not said from a person. Also learning to hear beyond my own perspective or even desires and hear that person’s truth. When I am not heard, it makes me feel I am not respected enough to allow me to express myself and my desires, so that the other person has a chance to understand me better. 

 

II. When my time is not honored

The greatest currency in my opinion is time. Why? Because I will never get it back and if my time is mismanaged, I find it can slow things down in my life. Not that I have to be moving at lightning speed, but I have a rule in my life that I must always be progressing forward. When people don’t honor my time, it makes me not feel respected. 

 

III. When people are not kind

I feel that one of the greatest gifts I can give someone is kindness. It’s free but it speaks volumes about someone’s character and if they are committed to being kind even in a difficult situation, it shows so much beauty in their core. I know that everything in life won’t be easy, but when I focus on being kind, it improves the quality of my interactions. 

 

IV. When people are not honest

Within relationships, I find that for some people it’s hard to be honest. Real talk, sometimes it’s been hard for me too because honesty can reveal some hard truths that I am not ready to face or deal with at that moment, or I feel there is going to be so much pain around that honesty for others connected to me. But when I respect someone, it’s best to just be honest because even if they end up being mad at my honesty, they will still respect me. 

Let me be clear, I feel women and men need to both be given respect; however, we both receive love in different ways. I truly believe that respecting a man, if his actions are respectful and worth, is the quickest way to build a solid bond.