Most of my writing is born first out of a deep feeling that I can’t escape. Many times I write based on a thought or a subject that I can’t escape or shake; it’s not until I write about it, that I can sort of lay it to rest. 

I learned years ago that unpacking a topic is what leads me to greater clarity; this topic of rejection is a big subject for me. I have been rejected in many scenarios, by many opportunities and many people. It took me a long time to understand that rejection is no indication of lack of worth but actually an indication of what direction I am supposed to go. As an ambitious person, sometimes I need to hear “NO” to slow me down or re-direct me.

However, I was listening to an interview, where the person spoke about not letting rejection uproot you. It really shook me, because first I had to acknowledge how important it is to be rooted and grounded. Though, I never want to be stuck, I do want to be rooted in a way that I am guided by my principles. 

There were a few moments of rejection for me that shook me in away that made me question my worth. 

My therapist and I had done all of this work around me feeling again; because I had gotten to a point where I was really numb or at least experiencing life not allowing myself to show my feelings so I could protect myself. Once “Dr.L” said, “You are human my dear; revel in the beauty of your imperfect humanity.” I said, "You know what Dr.L, now that I am connected to my feelings, I think I know who the woman is for me.” 

I was referring to a beautiful woman and friend of mine that every time we hung out together, our conversations really illuminated me, and it was one of the first instances that I felt our exchanges were always equal and their was attraction. So I composed this love letter to her telling how wonderful she is, and how wonderful I feel we would be for each other. I even wrote, “I would support you and treat you like the Queen that you are, requiring nothing from you beyond you existing and radiating that joy in my life.” 

Nice right?

Well she said, “U are wonderful and I have no question of the man that you are and would be to me, but I am not attracted to you.” 

SHOTS FIRED… Man and Ego down for the count.

I was crushed, and I’m not about  to even front with you and act like I was okay; I wasn’t so much just crushed that she wasn’t attracted, it was that I had presented my best to her and it wasn’t enough, or so I thought.  

The way she rejected me was so kind and didn’t attack my character or worth; she even exclaimed someone had never written her such words like that.  

Long story short, that rejection was also God’s way of leading me towards what I needed, not wanted. 

My focus is that I didn’t let that rejection uproot me, or make me think differently about my worth or value; I stayed grounded and rooted. I also understood and valued the honesty exchanged between my friend and I; we are still able to be cool because, I’m not uprooted.

“Be like a tree, planted by the river of the waters, that will bring forth fruit in due season."--Psalm 1:3

The Road...

While in the cab, I update social media, send texts and emails that need to be delivered before I go away into the abyss of yet another plane for yet many hours.”

I am living my dream. But you know what I didn’t realize was part of the dream? Sometimes it can be so incredibly lonely being out here on the road because much of what I am accomplishing no one one else is with me. Of course, people will read this and say, “please calm, or we can meet up wherever you are,” but I am not talking about being alone in life. I am talking about merely dealing with loneliness in the pursuit of the vision I have for myself. 

One of the interesting things about being a touring artist is that much of the contact you will have with people will be at a venue and on stage. Otherwise, you are a bit of a lone wolf on the road. Learning how to combat that loneliness is what can make you a better person and stronger in your own personal journey. 

It doesn’t matter if you are married, or in a relationship, that loneliness is present because are torn between two worlds: the world that loves you, and the world that loves what you do. 

The difference is that the world that loves you, can’t sustain you by that love alone. It is the love from those who embrace what you do that provides a living for you, which benefits those who love you. 

This irony for me has been very interesting to deal with, particularly in my adult life, because I go beyond the phase of just wanting to be great, to wanting to create balance in my life. Being an adult means living and loving. As the artist, I am addicted to my craft; but with that addiction comes many side affects. 

Much of what I have access to, no one understands or has. 

Most of what I desire to share and explain, many people don’t have a point of reference for. However, the beauty of life is lived with and in between contradicting realities and how we find balance in between those realities create our character. 

I practice acceptance and gratefulness of the Road because it is an essential part of my journey in this life.